How We Get Love All Wrong

Cait Mack
2 min readFeb 15, 2022

It’s not at all what we think it is.

Michael Fenton

Love is such a weird thing. We think it’s this checklist of our “type”. Dating apps don’t help since they literally require you to checklist what you want.

When we think of love, we try use to logic and rationality. This doesn’t work well with feelings.

You can only rationalize biological reactions so far. The equations can’t be solved. At some point they don’t simplify any further and we’re left scratching our heads.

My girlfriend had a list. A relatively common list, really.

Her list:

  • Tall
  • Handsome
  • Nice beard
  • MALE

Spoiler alert:

I am/have none of the above.

And yet, it just works. And it works very well.

A meshing of personalities. A recognition of a kindred spirit. A strange biological reaction to another human being.

Whatever “it” is, it’s never on the list.

Pay attention to the feelings you get in your stomach, not the checklist you have in your head.

Hope you found this valuable! Pop back tomorrow for my “Principles of Great Writing” article, posting at 6a EST.

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Cait Mack

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